


Broken and Breaking

by hunters_retreat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dark, Kink Meme, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Underage - Freeform, underage (Sam is 16)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-05
Updated: 2009-08-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 04:45:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5361905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunters_retreat/pseuds/hunters_retreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>  It’s not hurting anyone but Dean and as long as it means Sam stays with him, he can live with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean sat under the shower and tried to ignore the fear.  Their Dad was there and that had always been enough to stop it before, but something in Sam’s eyes made him wonder about that today.

He couldn’t stay in the shower forever though and the hot water was already growing tepid as he stood under it.  He turned the shower off and dried quickly, wrapping the towel around his waist as he opened the door.  Sam was standing there, his arms crossed against his chest and hazel eyes staring at him with a soul black as midnight watching behind them.   

Dean couldn’t look away, couldn’t help the terror that rooted him there, like this black-souled creature was keeping him against his will.  It wasn’t a demon though or any other supernatural thing he could think of.  He’d tried salt and holy water and everything else but it was Sam, his Sam, just… cold and calculating.  He couldn’t explain it even if he had anyone to explain it to.

“Think you can run from me Dean?”  Sam asked, pushing away from the wall and stepping closer until he was whispering in Dean’s ear.  “I’ll still be here when you stop.”

Dean closed his eyes and took a shaky breath.  He couldn’t run, but if he could just postpone it a while longer, he might disappear again.  He might get a few weeks reprieve.

“DEAN! SAM!”  The voice cut through and Sam stepped back, looking wide eyed at his brother. 

“You alright Sammy?”  Dean asked because he could see the confusion there, see the need for comfort from Dean that was missing a minute ago. 

“Yeah.  Just…”

“Sleep walking again?”  Dean asked with a smile even as he swallowed to keep from choking on the words. 

Sam nodded.  “I guess.  Think there’s something wrong with me Dean?  I mean, how many kids my age do this?”

“Nothing wrong with you Sammy.”  He doesn’t know if it’s true or not, but he can’t have Sam asking Dad about it.  There’s too many things he might put together.  Too many things that he might poke at and realize the truth.  It’s not hurting anyone but Dean and as long as it means Sam stays with him, he can live with it.

“DEAN!” 

Sam shook his head and ran down the steps to tell their Dad that Dean was getting dressed and Dean does just that, throwing on the closest pair of jeans and a tee shirt.  He was still barefoot when he walked downstairs to find Sam at the kitchen table and their Dad doing a check on his duffle.  “Where are you going?”  He asked as he took a seat at the kitchen table across from Sam.  He knew he’d gotten his reprieve but he needed a little time to get over the fear before he could sit next to Sam without flinching. 

“Job.  Caleb called and he needs a hand.  Shouldn’t be gone more than a week and a half but I’ll give you a call if something comes up.  I’ll call you tomorrow night with the details.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”  Dean asked.  He’d been hunting for a few years now and while he was normally happy enough to stay home with Sam while their Dad went out, he’d rather get out of his brother’s reach. 

“Not this time Dean.”  His Dad said, a fond smile on his face.  “Just stay here and keep an eye out for Sam.”  Sam started to say something but John stopped him.  “I know, you’re 16 and don’t need anyone watching out for you but I feel better if we’re going to be separated to know that your brother is here with you.  You boys can look after each other just fine, I know.”

There was nothing to it then.  John was leaving and Dean knew that sometime before he came back, Sam’s eyes would go cold and he’d be left to deal with it.  Again. 

 

 

Three days later and Dean was going a little nuts, waiting for it to happen.  Sam was going stir crazy as well so Dean let Sam skip school and they found themselves at an old deserted lake.  It was just before school let out for the summer so it was plenty hot enough for a lazy swim. 

Dean sat on the dock, back against the hard planks as he kept an eye on his brother who mirrored his own pose in the water.  Dean looked up at the sky for a minute, watching the breeze as it tripped through the leaves.  It was easy to forget there was something more than this, but Dean had to stay focused because days like this were when things went wrong.  He knew Sam well enough, knew his patterns well enough to know that it was happening soon.  It was one of the reasons they were at the lake today, where no one would hear them and question the sounds, or come to look in after them. 

He was still startled when water dripped on him and Sam was stepping over him, his body blocking the trees and sun behind him.  Dean felt cold without the sun on him and he sat up quickly, scooting back a few feet as Sam watching him, cold eyed and grinning.

“Hello Dean.”

“Sam… don’t do this.”

“What am I supposed to think Dean?  You bring me to a secluded spot like this?  All romantic and hidden away, like it’s our little secret?”  He took a step closer and Dean scrambled to his feet.  “Makes me think you want it Dean.”

Dean took another step back before turning and breaking into a run.  The only thought he had was getting to the Impala and locking himself inside it until Sam came back to himself.  He only got a few feet away before he was knocked from his feet by Sam though.  He landed hard on his hand and knees but he didn’t stop trying to get back up.  Sam was on top of him though, his legs pinned by his brother’s body.  Even if Sam was still growing he’d gained an inch on Dean in the last year and he knew how to use it. 

He felt Sam’s fingers close over the top of his shorts and he stopped, not wanting to help his brother undress him by struggling against it.  Instead he tried to roll over.  Sam crawled up his body, pinning his legs with his own.  Dean tried to strike him but Sam caught the move and pinned Dean’s hands above his head as well.  “Always have to do this the hard way Dean.”  Sam bit his lip hard enough to draw blood but pulled back quickly before Dean could try to head butt him.  “I like that about you.”  Sam laughed in his ear.

He didn’t move then, just waited.  Sam chuckled into his throat at Dean’s early capitulation.  He was sucking bruises into Dean’s skin and when his hands began pulling his swim suit off he knew it was almost time.  Sam pulled them off his legs and stood to remove his own.  As he did, Dean swiped out with his legs, catching Sam off guard.  Sam fell and Dean made a run for the car again.  He made it half way before Sam was on him again.  He felt Sam’s hands pushing him and he was suddenly face first into a tree, Sam pressed against him. 

“Fuck you Dean!”  The words were hissed into his ear and he could feel how hard all this made Sam as he pressed his wet trunks against Dean’s bare ass.

He wanted to say something flippant like ‘Wasn’t that your plan?’ but nothing came out.  It never did.  He knew how to defeat all manner of supernatural creatures, could kill a man in more ways than he wanted to admit, but all of it was useless because he couldn’t hurt his brother, couldn’t explain why there were cuts and scrapes and bruises all over him later.  So he does what he can.  He runs.

Only Sam had him pinned good this time and Dean was naked so there’s not a lot to stop Sam from taking what he wants now.  Dean tried to turn but Sam still had him pressed there.  They struggled against one another and Sam finally managed to get Dean’s hands and wrench them back against his back.  His legs were kicked wide and he’s completely off balance and unable to move.

Sam’s hands were big enough to hold his wrists in one so he lets go and Dean can feel the damp cloth lowering behind him, can feel the minute Sam’s cock springs out of the encasing fabric.  “Sam, don’t do this!”

Sam didn’t listen any more than he ever did.  Dean’s body tenses and he knows it’ll hurt more that way but he’d rather hurt than allow himself to give in for even a minute.  Sam bit hard at his neck and that was all the warning Dean had before Sam was thrusting into him in one long hard push.  He bit his lip bloody to keep from screaming but it was only partially successful. 

“God how you feel Dean…”  Sam murmured against his skin.  Dean tried to push away and managed to get one arm free and he jabbed at Sam’s ribs.  Sam pushed forward with his hips though, pinning Dean against the tree as he recaptured his arm.  He could feel the press of bark against his skin and knew he’d be covered in bruises later.  He knew that Sam’s bite marks were already beginning to decorate his chest and back.  He wanted to sob, wanted to just blank it all out like Sam seemed to do, but he couldn’t. 

“Hows it gonna feel when I kick your ass?”  He managed to bite out.

Sam took his free hand and pressed Dean’s face to one side, cheek against the bark of the tree.  Sam leaned forward, cock pistoning in and out of his body, and bit lightly at the edge of Dean’s lips.  “We all know you aren’t going to do a damn thing Dean.  You won’t hurt me.  I don’t think your capable of it.”

Sam smiled suddenly, pulled out of Dean’s body and took a step back releasing him.  “In fact, I think we’ll see how far you’d go to keep from hurting me.” 

Dean turned, putting his back against the trunk of the tree.  He could feel something trickling down the back of his legs and he didn’t want to know what it was.  Nothing was a good option.  “What are you doing?”

Sam reached down and grabbed his swim suit and found the pocket.  Dean’s eyes widened because he knew what was in there and he didn’t like where this could be heading at all.  Sam smiled as if he could read his mind.  “It’s a simple game Dean.  I’ll tell you what to do and you do it.  If you don’t, I take this,” he held out the small Swiss army knife in his hand “and I begin cutting myself.”

“Sammy, don’t do this.”  He couldn’t do this.  He couldn’t be an accomplice in this.  He couldn’t willingly let Sam do this to him. 

“We’ll start really easy Dean.  Go back to the dock and sit down.”

Dean didn’t move until he watched Sam pull the knife out and take it to his skin.  He hadn’t broken skin yet before Dean was off the tree.  “Alright.  Just, don’t hurt yourself.”

He moved because it was just going back to the small dock he’d started out at.  It wasn’t anything more than location.  It wasn’t giving in.  He just… he couldn’t do this.  He couldn’t explain to Sam later why his sleep walking was suddenly resulting in cuts and bruises.

He sat on the dock and watched Sam smiling down at him as he did as he was told.  “Good Dean.” Sam said as he lay down beside Dean.  “Now, straddle my hips.”

“No.”  He knew what Sam wanted and it was too much.  He couldn’t, wouldn’t , willing do this. 

The knife was back and Dean felt himself pale as Sam pressed it to his flesh.  He didn’t give in until blood broke the surface.  “Stop it!  Damn it stop it!”  He was already scrambling over his brother then, already trying to figure out how to make this better when Sam woke up. 

“I’m going to put the knife down now Dean because I really want to be able to use my hands, but know that if you don’t listen, I will hurt myself.  If you don’t do exactly what I want, I will bleed.  Taking the knife won’t stop me and holding me down won’t either.  Run to the damn car and I will make sure it’s twice as bad for you.  Do you understand me?”  Dean just nodded.  “Good.”  Sam put the knife aside and gripped Dean’s hips hard enough to bruise.  “Ride me Dean.”  He said, his voice deceptively soft and warm. 

Dean closed his eyes because there was no way around this.  He refused the images of Sam’s confused, begging eyes and opened them again to the cold eyed man underneath him.  He’d never done anything like this but he didn’t have a choice.  His pain for Sam’s.  It had always seemed like a fair trade, only this time Sam was making him hurt himself.  He didn’t know how to come back from this.  He didn’t know if he ever could. 

He raised himself up and felt Sam shifting underneath him, felt Sam press against his entrance and he was shaking by the time he slid down his brother’s cock.  “God yeah Dean.  Just like that.”  Sam said as he shifted his hips slightly.  His hands on Sam’s chest, he began moving over his brother.  He felt Sam thrusting into him, timing his hips with Dean’s.  He’d never been able to watch Sam before, never made it easy enough to do this.  It was always Dean’s face pressed against the wall, or a table, or the front seat of the Impala.  He could see it when Sam was ready to come though and he closed his eyes as Sam reached a hand out and began fisting Dean. 

As hard as he tried to fight it, his body responded to the stimulation and he came all over his brother’s chest just as Sam’s body fucked up hard into him, painting his insides.

When he opened his eyes Sam was smiling up at him.  “Good boy Dean.  Now go get cleaned up.”  Dean didn’t wait for anything else.  He threw himself into the water, aching chest and bleeding ass and all, and swam.  He was aware of Sam in the water and made his way to the end of the dock where Sam left his swim suit.  He put it back on in time to watch Sam get out of the water. 

He went back out then, swimming to work out the worst of the pain, physical and emotional, before he had to face anything else.  He saw movement on the dock and turned to watch as Sam launched himself.

“Cannonball!”  The 16 year old cried as he dropped under water.  He popped up right in front of Dean who flinched away.  “Jumpy much?”  Sam asked with a smile.  “Maybe you need a nap too.”

Dean wanted to cry, wanted to drown himself under the water and never come up but he didn’t know what would happen if he tried.  “Sure Sam.”

“What happened to you?”  Sam asked suddenly, his hand coming up to Dean’s face.  He knew there were scratches from the tree trunk, knew if he didn’t get out and put his shirt on there would be questions about the bite marks on his chest and back as well. 

“Just fell when you were napping Sam.  Nothing big.  Was half asleep and thought I’d check on the Impala.”

Sam shook his head.  “Seriously Dean, I thought I was the clumsy one.”

 

 

Dean managed to get out of the water without Sam seeing anything else.  If he noticed Dean moving a little more careful he didn’t say anything.  That night though, Sam made dinner and they sat on the couch and watched movies together.  When Sam started to get sleepy he leaned more and more on Dean.  He tried to stop him, but he was too far gone to pay attention to Dean’s bickering and he didn’t want to upset Sam when there were too many things he didn’t want him to bring up and question.  Instead he tried not to notice how warm his brother was, or how good he smelled.  He tried not to think about what it would feel like to slip inside his brother, to hold that kind of power over him, what he would taste like and look like. 

Sam’s head fell in Dean’s lap and he let his fingers stroke his brother’s hair, tear filled eyes refusing to release their captives as he realized that this was all there was. There was no one to help him, no one to fix Sam.  This was their life.   Just him and Sam, one brother broken and another breaking.   
  

 


	2. Damned by Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tried to think his way through the situation but he was still in nothing but a towel and he couldn’t hurt Sam. Even now, he couldn’t stand the idea of what Sam would do if he found out the truth that Dean had been hiding from him.

 

  
Fire and smoke filled the night air, leaving Dean shaken and unsure.  The red of the fire engine lights left a bloody vision in its wake and Dean had never wanted to be further away from Stanford than he did at that moment.  His hand was still resting on the small of Sam’s back, whether it was to keep his brother close or to remind himself of why he was still there, Dean wasn’t sure.

He knew what he’d seen in that room and he felt the old pain coming to surface again, the memory of rushing his brother out of the house only to be scooped up by his father, knowing his mother wasn’t coming out. 

That one night had set Dean’s entire life into an alternate path and he couldn’t help but wonder what this would do to Sam.  His brother pulled away, heading back to the impala and Dean let him go. 

Dean watched him, an eye always on his brother since he’d come to Stanford and asked Sam to help him find their father.  No matter how much Dean wanted to leave Sam alone, he’d needed to see Sam to make sure he was still alright.  With John missing, it wasn’t hard to believe something might have come for the remaining Winchester family and he’d needed to see Sam with his own two eyes to make sure he was alright. 

Through the long weekend Dean had watched his brother, trying not to be too obvious.  Dean knew that Sam hadn’t been in trouble at Stanford.  Even if he’d never gone to see him there, Dean kept an eye on his brother and an ear to the ground for anything that could possibly be his brother’s … darkness.  There had been plenty of opportunities for his brother’s darker side to come out over the weekend but there was no sign of it.  Sam never knew about it, the moments when they were growing up where Sam became something violent and cruel, waking up after with a black hole in his memory.  Dean had worked hard to make sure Sam never knew what happened and when Sam went off to Stanford, Dean had hoped that Sam’s darkness would disappear.  Without the hunting life, Dad’s domineering personality, and Dean to take it out on, he’d hoped Sam would get the normal life he’d wanted.

Sam opened the trunk of the impala and Dean moved over to his side, away from the gaping crowd to see what his brother was doing.  He watched as Sam moved his hands over the weapons, the way his fingers trailed over the knives he’d left behind, and how he gripped the sawed off shotgun. 

When he looked up at Dean, there was something cold in his eyes, something that made Dean shiver.

“We have work to do.”

He didn’t say anything else, didn’t make a move towards Dean and when Sam threw the gun back into the trunk, Dean just shut it.  Sam crawled into the front seat and Dean took a minute to let out a relieved breath.  Whatever he’d seen in Sam’s eye was just the shock and numbness of losing his girl.  It wasn’t the darkness that had haunted Dean’s earlier days.

**

The motel was no better than any other they’d stayed in over the weekend but Dean wanted to get Sam settled before his grief could hit.  Sam disappeared into the bathroom before Dean had the bags set down and Dean just stopped, letting the night’s events catch up while Sam was in the other room. 

He felt numb and he couldn’t help but shoulder the blame for what had happened to Sam’s girlfriend.  If he’d gone in when he dropped Sam off, maybe he’d have noticed something.  If he and Sam hadn’t taken so long to pack, maybe they’d have been there before the demon.  If he hadn’t asked Sam to go at all, maybe his brother would have been able to stop it. 

Or maybe Sam would be dead along with Jessica.

“Its all yours,” Sam said as he walked out of the bathroom, only the thin motel towel wrapped around his waist as he rifled through his bag to find something clean for the night.  In the back of his head, Dean was thinking he needed to get to the store in the morning and find his brother some new clothes, but mostly Dean was caught with the way the water dropped down his brother’s back.

Dean shook his head and walked away from Sam, into the bathroom.  He set the water on as hot as he could stand it, trying to wash away the thoughts.  Dean couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t known his brother was broken, but he’d never expected it to break him.  Dean knew it had though.  He could remember sitting next to his brother, hiding his own wounds so that his brother would never know what he’d done.  He could remember, wondering what it would be like to hold power over Sam, like he had over Dean.  He could remember wondering what it would feel like to push into his brother’s body and take what Sam had so many times taken from him.

Dean shivered at the thought.  He would never hurt Sam and he had no doubt that if he tried the darkness in Sam would recede in time for Sam to be the one hurt by Dean’s need for retribution.  Instead, Dean had watched his brother go off to college and hoped to never see the blackness of his brother’s soul ever again, even if it meant never getting to see his little brother again either.

There was a crash in the other room and Dean hurried out of the shower, barely threw a towel over his hips before he went running out of the bathroom to check on Sam. 

“Sam?”

Sam was sitting at the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees as he stared at the space between the two beds.  The lamp was lying on the floor, bulb shattered and the shade was twisted away from the wire.  The ceramic birds of the base were broken and lie in a ceramic pile at Sam’s feet which were red with blood.

“Damn it, Sammy,” Dean huffed as he moved to the side of the bed.  He squatted down at his brother’s feet, careful to avoid stepping in anything.  “Let me see,” he said softly as he lifted Sam’s foot up to see the damage.  “Shift over this way.”

Dean moved to the foot of the bed and Sam scooted over until his feet were dangling off the end of the bed so Dean could get a better look.  It only took a few minutes, but Dean had the first aid kit out and he’d removed the glass and ceramic his brother had stepped on and had his feet bandaged.  It wasn’t bad.  Sam probably wouldn’t even feel it much in the morning. 

“Just go to sleep, Sam,” Dean told his brother as he moved around the room, finding something to scoop up the worst of the mess with.  He dropped it into the trash and heard Sam moving around on the bed.

“Dean.”

He stilled on instinct, coldness seeping into his bones as he turned to look at his brother.  Sam was on the bed, wearing nothing but ratty sweatpants.  He was sitting at the edge of the bed, eyes dark, and a cruel smirk twisting his lips. 

“I thought I’d have to work to get you naked again,” Sam said.

“Sammy, don’t.  This isn’t you man.”

“Dean, we haven’t talked in four years.  You have no idea who your little Sammy is anymore.”  Sam stood up, ignoring the wounds on his feet.  “I thought you’d be better prepared Dean.  You saw me earlier.  Surprised you didn’t go running for the hills.”

Dean shivered because even if he knew what was coming, he’d never have been able to leave Sam after what happened tonight.  No matter what Sam was doing now, when he woke in the morning he’d have nothing but memories of the fire and questions for why his brother had abandoned him when he needed him the most.  

Dean tried to think his way through the situation but he was still in nothing but a towel and he couldn’t hurt Sam.  Even now, he couldn’t stand the idea of what Sam would do if he found out the truth that Dean had been hiding from him. 

“You going to make a run for it, Dean?” Sam asked as he moved closer.  Dean’s heart raced as he watched Sam reach into the first aid kit he’d left on the bed.  Fuck, he should have remembered.

“You remember what happens when you run?”  Sam asked as he pulled the knife from the bag.  It was just a small knife, sharp, but it did what it needed to do tonight.  It reminded Dean that there were far worse weapons Sam could use and they were all at his disposal.

The blade was pressed to Sam’s wrist and Dean swallowed against the lump in his throat.  “Please, Sam, just not that.”

Sam smiled, letting the blade up before it could break the skin.  He dropped it onto the bed by the kit and took his time stripping out of Dean’s sweatpants.   When he crossed the room, Dean closed his eyes, afraid of what his brother would ask of him next.

“Don’t worry, Dean.  I promise, no matter what else I do, you’ll enjoy yourself tonight.”

Dean didn’t want to enjoy himself.  He didn’t want to get off on what was happening and he didn’t want his brother to think this was what he wanted either, but he knew the price of voicing it and he wouldn’t be the one paying it.

“Come lay down with me, Dean.”

Dean opened his eyes and realized Sam was lying on his bed.  Dean moved forward slowly, eyes flicking over to the door.  He thought of the impala on the other side.  In the beginning, he’d been able to take cover there sometimes.  If he was quick enough and smart enough to get away from Sam, he’d been able to lock himself behind the impala’s doors until Sam’s darkness passed.  Sam would wake up from his own ‘nap’ to stare at Dean like he was a moron for locking himself in the car to take a nap himself.  Dean never explained to Sam that his ‘naps’ were the only way he’d found to protect himself from Sam’s ‘sleepwalking’. 

When Sam got older, he got smarter though and Dean’s escape routes were cut short when Sam realized Dean would do anything he said once he started threatening to cut himself up.  Four years later and it still worked.

Dean dropped onto the mattress and Sam pushed him over onto his back.  “Sammy, don’t.”

“Just going to have a little fun, Dean,” Sam said with a wink.  If it weren’t for the situation, Dean could almost have sworn it was just his little brother but he knew differently.  Dean closed his eyes as he felt Sam’s breath moving over his skin.  The towel was pulled away from his hips and Sam settled between Dean’s legs.   His mouth was hot and wet and Dean knew it would feel so damn good if even a part of him wanted this.  His body wasn’t on board with his mind though and before long, his cock was thick and full, crammed down Sam’s throat while Dean willed his body to stop.

It didn’t work.  It never did.

When Sam pushed a dry finger into Dean’s body, aiming just right for his prostate, Dean’s body seized up as he came in Sam’s mouth.  Dean ignored the wetness around his eyes and kept his hands clenched tightly in the sheets.  He knew what would happen next.

Sam sat up on the bed, pulling Dean’s hips until he was almost sitting on Sam’s lap.  When he felt the blunt head of Sam’s cock at his hole he took a deep breath, prepared for the pain.  He bit down on his lip hard enough to taste blood as Sam pushed into his body. 

It was hard and brutal but Dean had been through worse, physically.  He couldn’t stop the small gasps that left his lips though or the knowledge that Sam’s laughter filled the air after each. 

“Fuck, Dean, the way you feel on my cock,” Sam whispered as he leaned closer.  “You have no idea how much I missed this.  I missed the way you always look for a way out.  I missed the way you always hide it from me in the morning.  I missed the way you cry when I let you come down my throat.  But mostly, I missed how fucked up you are, that you always give in and let me have what I want because you think you don’t deserve anything else.”

“Fuck, Dean, the way you fucked me up, the way you broke me,” Sam shivered over him and Dean knew it was almost over.  “I thought you were going to leave without getting to feel this again but … fuck …” he bit down on Dean’s neck as his hips began to move with less of a rhythm.  “Took my last chance and here you are,” Sam said. 

Sam’s hands gripped Dean’s hips hard, forced him back onto Sam’s cock with such force that Dean couldn’t breathe.  Sam’s thrusts were harsh and spastic until finally he watched as Sam’s body stilled, his cock emptying in Dean’s body.

When Sam pulled out, Dean curled over onto his side, trying to stop the shakes that were soon to come.  Sam manhandled him until the blankets were pulled out from under him and then he was cocooned in their warmth with Sam at his back, pulling Dean into his chest.

Dean shivered at the touch of Sam’s hand on his skin but he closed his eyes, keeping still as Sam continued to whisper in his ear. 

“I loved her, Dean.  Jessica was good and smart and funny.  She was perfect, except she could never take this, could she?  She would never love me enough to let me have this.  So she had to go.  She didn’t know, but I’m not the little boy I was Dean.  Now, I’m a psychic.  I can move things with my mind.  It was so simple to raise her to the ceiling and watch the knife cut her in two.  It was so simple to set her on fire and watch the life we’d been building burn to the ground.  The only hard part about tonight, Dean,” Sam shivered against him as he brought his lips to Dean’s shoulder and bit lightly. 

“The only thing I almost couldn’t do was walk out of that fire.  You looked so breathtakingly devastated that I almost had to have you right there.  I’d have burned happily to fuck you in the middle of that flame, under Jessica’s watchful eyes.”

Dean let out a sob because there was nothing else he could do.  Sam was … broken.  Still so fucking broken and Dean couldn’t fix him.  He couldn’t fix himself because Sam was right.  Dean would never stop this, never stop Sam when it would mean admitting to all the years Sam had been hurting him.  And now, Jessica had paid the price.  Dean didn’t have to wonder what would happen if he let Sam leave, if he let Sam find someone else.  There would be another fire, a late night call from Sam to his big brother because he was lost and needed him.  And Dean would go.  Broken?  It wasn’t the right word for them anymore.  They were more than broken.

When Sam fell asleep, Dean crawled out from under the covers and went to the bathroom, cleaning himself up and dressing so that Sam wouldn’t find any evidence of what had happened tonight.  In the morning, they’d have to deal with the officials about the fire and Jessica’s death and Sam’s school and where his life was going to head now, but tonight, Dean was by himself and lost.

He looked into the mirror in the bathroom and all he could see were flames.  He deserved it.  He deserved to go up in flames like that, to be held under the fire’s tongue, because he’d never found a way to fix this.

He and Sam, they were so broken it wasn’t possible to be fixed.  No, not broken.  Damned. 

Damned by flame.  Damned by blood.  Damned by love.

**Author's Note:**

> Posted [here](http://community.livejournal.com/spnkink_meme/590.html?thread=104014#t104014) at the [](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/profile)[spnkink_meme](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/) . Prompt was Sam raped Dean but he doesn't know! Dean keeps quite for 'not hurting dear brother'. Better more than once but please must be Sam himself not possessed in anyway.


End file.
